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Online Diploma in Single Malt Whisky: a parody of thanks

Online Diploma in Single Malt Whisky: a parody of thanks

We love the wit and wisdom of our whisky-adoring candidates. Recent Diploma in Single Malt Whisky candidate, Constantine Oba, has outdone himself here in a 350-word parodical analogy of his experience with the online course. It made us smile, so we had to share…

Please let it be known that EWA is very much appreciated for transforming me from a “dormant barley” to a complex “NAS spirit” from which only “ample aging” is necessary to be “fully complex(ed)”, “balanced and refined.
How the partnerships of two accomplished “knowledge-distillers”, Kirsty and Vic processed the “raw materials” in me was just both inspiring and impressive!

As they prepared me to “germinate” into a confident and discerning whisky enthusiast, they submerged me to weeks of “steeping” with all the learning modules, dousing some “drop-in drams” every now and then to shun any “frothing” of monotony. I was provided with a “cylindroconical vessel” equipped with everything I needed, and huge enough to accommodate all my scepticisms, worries, and questions.

Modifying the “endosperm” in my learning curve could have been a challenging process, as sometimes, materials were overwhelming, but their encouraging commitments and inspiring assurances have stimulated my learning “hormones” to release the important “enzymes” necessary to breakdown all the “grains” of information into a “fermentable” learning experience!

At the “kilning” stage of my studies, Vic dry-polished my acquired knowledge by reducing the undesirables with all the tutorial elements imparted, while Kirsty guided me to focus on the important considerations as I moved forward to my SQA certification.

On the day I was “distilled”, I came both prepared and concerned. Convinced that all the cuts from my “Foreshots, to Spirits, and Feints” have all been taken care of, and the residues discharged! I was hopeful that I was at least ripe enough, if only to give off the “pleasant aromas and the rich flavours” to deserve the title, “Diploma in Single Malt”.  As my only concern, (“confidence”) tapered down as I entered into the “column still” of assessment; the same was completely overcame by enough efforts exerted during preparation. The next thing I realized, I was “bottled, sealed, and labelled”, “Diploma In Single Malt – Granted!”

But, wait….. I refuse to be sold, being a “NAS” is not enough. I’m going back to “EWA cask” for further maturation. (Irish whiskey certification is next!)

Thank you, EWA! Thank you, Kirsty! Thank you, Vic!

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